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Christmas Alone

And weren't there children that bound the two of us
And held us so happy and caged?
And weren't they joy of our joy, our feast au jus,
Flesh of our flesh as we aged?

They were decorations of love on our tree as they grew,
Ornaments of tinsel and light,
Dancing and twirling and glistening in brightness they flew,
And then left-too soon it was night.

Then you were gone—the love of my heart turned to dust;
The world was all shattered,
The tinsel and glitter and music were ashes and rust,
And I mourned; nothing mattered.

So here I am now, just me and myself, working my healing
And filling the holes left behind,
My children have grown and have gone, and I work at the feeling
for myself, for my heart and my  mind.

I  say "Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Holy Night
Of the time of our dear Savior's birth,"
And I long for the sound of the children so happy and light,
but the years have silenced their mirth.

But there's still "I love you," and "I wish just once again...,"
And days sliding quietly through the season,
My sighs and my sorrows banked cold in the ashes of when-
So quiet, searching hard for a reason.

© Philip E. Hodgkins 2004